Rant
Bagwell. Respet. Feh! So he asks for honesty, he asks for respect, so I give him honesty, I don't know the last time I DISRESPECTED him! That egotistical ass thinks he can take all his pain out on me. FEH! So some black belt in the back, whom I DON'T know the name of because she told me once and I have a terrible time with names (WHICH HE KNOWS) catches a comment I make as I'm grumbling about everything. Not 2 minutes before the class, I was grumbling about my brother. After leaving the class, I was grumbling about the cold. I was griping about EVERYTHING that day. So instead of just letting it go, ignoring me, letting me grumble then realize I was a fool, she has to comment back. So I have to defend myself. So this escalates, then the stupid girl goes and TELLS HIM instead of letting me!! So I get chewed out, he DOESN'T LISTEN TO A WORD OF MY DEFENSE AND he goes to Grand Master because he can't face me himself. Bagwell knows me. He knows that I grumble. He knows that after I've calmed down, I'll reevaluate things, and I'll comment or not depending on whether or not I find my comments from before hand valid and more than just spur of the moment. But no, I wounded his precious pride, and now he has to treat me with less respect. Great. He never really respected me. I was always student first. I was always that dumb 12 year old.
On top of it all he calls me a liar. I tell him that I'm not and that it's probably a misunderstanding. Thank god for misunderstandings, right? Because that's what he goes and does. He acts as if I'm calling him a liar! NO FUCKING WAY! All I said was that I didn't lie and I dislike being called one. Grand Master probably forgot, because my dad was right there.
He says he's done. Fine. This can be done for him, but it's not resolved. He's 30-something. He should stop acting like a 5 year old and actually talk to me. He just refuses to. I'm TRYING to resolve this like a mature, 3rd degree black belt. I won't be told to be silent when something's wrong and I know i can fix it. I won't, but I won't argue with a stubborn man who won't listen because I'm 17. That's all it comes down to. My fucking age. I'm 17, my word and my thoughts mean nothing. I'm 17, I have no wisdom, I have no knowledge, and I have no power.
I wanted to test. I wanted to test so bad to make my parents, Grand Master, and even him proud. I wanted them to be proud of me. I can't now. School interferes, the money is a big issue, and now this. Feh. I'm being ridiculed because I made an off hand comment that escalated, and while I'm open to talk, I'm open and trying to be mature, no one else is. I'm 17, I'm a child, I'm not worth it. Screw you, Bagwell, and screw Carissa too. This isn't worth the hurt. This isn't worth the fight. Forget it, forget you, forget the school. I just give up. You never had faith in me and I know it.
Stupid men, stupid world. Stupid stupid humans.... I hate being human..... stupid stupid stupid emotions. Stupid.
On top of it all he calls me a liar. I tell him that I'm not and that it's probably a misunderstanding. Thank god for misunderstandings, right? Because that's what he goes and does. He acts as if I'm calling him a liar! NO FUCKING WAY! All I said was that I didn't lie and I dislike being called one. Grand Master probably forgot, because my dad was right there.
He says he's done. Fine. This can be done for him, but it's not resolved. He's 30-something. He should stop acting like a 5 year old and actually talk to me. He just refuses to. I'm TRYING to resolve this like a mature, 3rd degree black belt. I won't be told to be silent when something's wrong and I know i can fix it. I won't, but I won't argue with a stubborn man who won't listen because I'm 17. That's all it comes down to. My fucking age. I'm 17, my word and my thoughts mean nothing. I'm 17, I have no wisdom, I have no knowledge, and I have no power.
I wanted to test. I wanted to test so bad to make my parents, Grand Master, and even him proud. I wanted them to be proud of me. I can't now. School interferes, the money is a big issue, and now this. Feh. I'm being ridiculed because I made an off hand comment that escalated, and while I'm open to talk, I'm open and trying to be mature, no one else is. I'm 17, I'm a child, I'm not worth it. Screw you, Bagwell, and screw Carissa too. This isn't worth the hurt. This isn't worth the fight. Forget it, forget you, forget the school. I just give up. You never had faith in me and I know it.
Stupid men, stupid world. Stupid stupid humans.... I hate being human..... stupid stupid stupid emotions. Stupid.
posted by Youko Lapri at 6:02 AM
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