Something To Chew On

I shouldn't be this upset. I should have more control. I'm always in control. Why am I this upset? Why am I this angry? I shouldn't be. I'm better than this. I am. I'm supposed to always be the forgiving one. I'm never supposed to get this upset. I'm not supposed to be the one that shoves people away. I'm supposed to be the one you can take for granted because I'm always going to forgive... No. Matter. What. I'm supposed to be the Christian.

Rant That's Totally Unrelated:

IT'S NOT MY FREAKING FAULT THAT SHE HATED YOU!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT I LOOK JUST LIKE HER!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU HATE HER!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!! IT'S NOT!! STOP HATING ME FOR IT!! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET REVENGE BY TREATING ME LIKE SHIT!!
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT BETTER WITH HIM BY FAVORING THE BOY EITHER!!! YOU CAN'T FIX IT, DAMN IT!! IT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE THE PAST!! SO STOP TRYING!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT I LOOK LIKE HER AND HE LOOKS LIKE HIM!! STOP ACTING LIKE IT'S THE PAST!! STOP BLAMING HER AND PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS HELL!! STOP IT!! STOP BLAMING YOURSELF AND HER AND FAVORING THE BOY!! IT WON'T HELP HIM!!
STOP IT!! I'M NOT HER!! YOU CAN'T FIX THE PAST BY TREATING THE PRESENT LIKE THE PAST!! JUST BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE HER DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN TREAT ME LIKE THIS!!! IF YOU'RE MAD AT HER YELL HER NOT ME!! PLEASE!!!
I'm not a freaking saint or adult! So please, stop acting like I'm supposed to be one then getting so disappointed or SMUG when I screw up! I'M A DAMN 16 YEAR OLD TEENAGER!!! I try so hard to make you proud. My directors tell me I'm one of the best singers in the state; I try real hard to keep my grades up; I'm going to test in February for my third degree black belt; I read so much; I can write well enough that people notice and love it; I'm over coming my fear of public speaking; I have FRIENDS.
I'm trying so hard to be everything you want me to be, but you never even notice. I know you love me. You can't not love me, but I don't know that you like me. I don't know that you're proud of me. You never tell me that. I try so hard to make you proud of me, to make you like me, to make you show it. I know the joke, and I hear from people that you are proud of me, but I really need to hear it from you.
I've finally found that I can sing, and I know that you like to sing, so I thought it would make you proud, but you never show it. When I screw up with something, you're so quick to reprimand, and you don't say when I'm doing good.
I know I'll be 18 soon, but please, just treat me like you want me to be a kid for a day. Please? Just show you're proud of me. Let me know I'm doing SOMETHING right for once.

End Rant.

Great, tears. Joy.