Break Free

Ever have those days where you just feel like you're trapped? I do. I feel like I'm trapped and I can't get out...

Break Free

Help me
I need to break free
I'm trapped inside my own mind
Kept where no one can find

I'm in the dark
Deep inside the depths of the heart
Let me break free from this prison cell
Let me break out of this living hell

I will always care
Alwasy stand by you through this nightmare
Just help me
And let me break free

You'll see that I'll stand by you
Until this rotten mess is through
I'll stay by your side
I'll be there when you need to hide

I may not be the best person ever
But my loyalty will waver never
I'm alwasy going to be there
I'm always going to care

Please help me
I need to break free
I'm trapped inside my own mind
Trapped where no one can find

Just help me
I just want to be free
I need to be there
I need to show I care

Two-Faced

There's a reason why I don't trust easily, and I think I just got a painful reminder.

Two-Faced

I try to be kind
I try to help you through this life
But you only use me
I'm a toy to you
I try to be good
I try to do what's right
I try be nice
But you only find me amusing

You're two-faced
Got one sweet one sour
You're two-faced
Got one hating one loveing
You're two-faced
But I won't buy that anymore

Guess I'm just some damn laughing-stalk
Guess I'm just some one to talk to
Guess I'm just some fucking joker to you
Cause I bought the lies
Held you when you cried
But now I see right through you

You're two-faced
Got one sweet one sour
You're two-faced
Got one hating one loveing
You're two-faced
But I won't buy that anymore

I won't buy it anymore
Here's your bag get out the door
I won't listen to you
I won't trust you too
Get out of my life
I don't need this pain or strife
You're just some two-faced liar

You're two-faced
You got one sweet face one sour
You're two-faced
You've got a hateful face
You've got one loving face
That's the face I cared for
The face I knew
But now I see straight through you
And you're just two-faced

All I Seem To Do

All I Seem To Do

Damn I did it
I messed up again
I know it's wrong but maybe
You're better off with out me in the end
All I seem to do is hurt you

Maybe you shouldn't stay
Maybe you should just leave
Cause I know it's not meant to be this way
Please before I hurt you anymore

All I seem to do
Is cause you pain
All I seem to do
Is make you cry again
I can never do
Anything right
So just let me do
The right thing tonight

I know it's hurting to hear
But I can't have you stay
You shouldn't even be near
All I'll do is hurt you more
Yes all I'll do is hurt you more than I already have

All I seem to do
Is cause you pain
All I seem to do
Is make you cry again
I can never do
Anything right
So just let me do
The right thing tonight

You care to much
You put up with such pain
All I seem to do
Is everything wrong
Though I've tried
To do it right
All I seem to do is make it worse

All I seem to do
Is cause you pain
All I seem to do
Is make you cry again
I can never do
Anything right
So just let me do
The right thing tonight

Please let me stop this
Before it gets too far
Please let me end this
Before I break your heart
I don't want to
Cause you more pain
No no more
You don't deserve this

All I seem to do
Is cause you pain
All I seem to do
Is make you cry again
I can never do
Anything right
So just let me do
The right thing tonight

Why Did I

Aren't friends who are blunt wonderful? They don't care if you're down, they just kick the damn, dead horse. They bluntly state the truth right in your face even when you're depressed. Even if it's not the truth, when you're down, your mind twists it to be the truth. Aren't blunt friends and depression such fun? Remember the friend I told you about with the dying single and virgin? Well, here's what happened:
At the lunch table in the morning b/c it was my principal's b-day with Ice Cream, Yuki, Cherry, Shel and Jer. Goku comes up and yanks my chair out from under me. I whack him with my book. I turn back as Goku sits down and Ice Cream pipes up with “You'll die single and a virgin because you hit everyone.” Now normally, this wouldn't be too bad, but in recent events, it was like he took a spork, dug out my heart, and made me eat it. A plastic spork none the less. I'm sitting here, depressed and getting over emotional issues, and he comes up with one of the worst things ever. Admittedly, it's not his fault. He didn't know about it, but it still stung.
Thanks to my mind, I take this bit of information and chew it until it's ragged. I come up with: I'll die alone, miserable and broken without ever having a boyfriend. Go me, huh? Isn't an over-imaginative mind just the best? I love mine. Is my sarcasm showing? I hate love. I really really do. It only seems to bring me pain because the guys I like go for my friends or die. Happens every time. They go for one of my friends, or they go and kill themselves. Fun fun, huh?

Why Did I

If I had to fall in love
Why'd it have to be with you
You're so infuriating
So frustrating
So wonderful too

Why did I have to fall in love
Why must these feelings be
Why do I have to love you
When you don't even notice me

Why did I have to fall in love
Why can't I just avoid this pain
But I just can't stop thinking about you
Though I've tried over and over again

Though I've fallen in love with you
There is no way or how I'd say
How I'm feeling about you
At least there's no way now

Why did I have to fall in love
And why did it have to be with you too
Though I am here with my friends laughing
I'd much rather be here with just you

Why did I have to fall in love
Why when you obviously don't care
Though I've helped you through all these years
You never even noticed I was there

Though I've fallen in love with you
There is no way or how I'd say
How I'm feeling about you
At least there's no way now

And since I'll never tell
You've got a better chance hearing it in hell
I guess you'll never know

Why did I have to fall in love
And why did it have to be with you
Well maybe someday you will say
That you love me too

There we go. That's my song. It's got a jazzy tune, and I really like it. Besides, it describes what's going on in my life.

Not for me

Well, I feel just wonderful. My friend told me that I'd die single and a virgin today. Don't mind the virgin so much. I wouldn't mind the single so much if it wasn't for the stupid meanigs behind that. And for all the fucking shit that has happened lately. For him, single is alone. For me, alone is the worst punishment. It's worse than hell.
Now, admittedly, I really doubt I'll ever get a boyfriend. If I do, I'll be surprised. I'm way too much for a tomboy for my own good. Just ask any of my friends. They'll tell you, but I still like the thought, you know? There's still that little part of me that badly wants to be loved. Too bad.
I guess it's because I have issues trusting people. Trusting people with more than a little bit of myself at anyrate. Z-kun was "the guy who tamed Lapri" for a while because he almost had me eating out of the palm of his hand. Then I he hurt me, and I became worse.
Over the course of the year, I have almost completely trusted three (BAKA NUMBER) other men with my heart. They, however, did not want it. Luckily, I was able to snatch myself back before it got too bad. It still hurt like hell, though. I'm no longer on speaking terms with one. The other two were a bit oblivious, so I am still in a great friendship with them. One's even going out with one of my best friend! It's fun to tease her about it.
It's been decided, I guess. Love is not for me. I doubt it ever will be either. I'll always only be a friend to the guys I know. So I'll just have to keep a tigher hold on my emotions. Emotions running amok are dangerous.

Love Is Not For Me

I remember your beautiful face
I recall your kind embrace
Your soft touch
You said you loved me so much
But then you ran away from me

I remember the day we met
It's a day I'll never for get
I had tears in my eyes
Ready to break all earthy ties
But then you stopped me

I can never forget your honey voice
Or when you made that hateful choice
I remember your sweet smell
I never would have damned you to hell
But then you ran away from me

I remember the day we met
It's a day I'll never for get
I had tears in my eyes
Ready to break all earthy ties
But then you stopped me

You broke your promises
You destroyed my heart
You walked away from me
And tore my world apart
I thought I could live in the light
But I need to stay in the dark
There's no place for me out there
No one would care
You proved that

I remember the day we met
It's a day I'll never for get
I had tears in my eyes
Ready to break all earthy ties
But then you stopped me

I thought I loved you
But now I see
Love is not for me

I wrote that a while ago, that's why it sucks. -_- Oh well. It's what I have, and it's true. End of blog.

My Heart Breaking

Wow... I wrote this a while ago and just found it. It's intresting. It goes with how a lot of my friends are feeling too... that's sad.

My Heart Breaking

The sound in the night
That scares you half to death
That sounds like something breaking
What is it can you tell

Sounds like glass shattering
Sounds like ice cracking
Sounds like crystal smashing
Sounds like my heart breaking

The pain in the morning
That you feel in your chest
You don't know if it's real
You don't know if it's there

Sounds like glass shattering
Sounds like ice cracking
Sounds like crystal smashing
Sounds like my heart breaking

The cold in the hollow
Of where your heart used to be
Can't you tell what it is
Don't you know why it's there

Sounds like glass shattering
Sounds like ice cracking
Sounds like crystal smashing
Sounds like my heart breaking

The feeling of a thousand thorns
Being driven into you
Don't you know why it hurts
Can't you tell don't you know

Sounds like glass shattering
Sounds like ice cracking
Sounds like crystal smashing
Sounds like our hearts breaking

I can't take this anymore
I'm gonna run right out that door
I can't take this I refuse to
Yield my broken heart to you

Sounds like glass shattering
Sounds like ice cracking
Sounds like crystal smashing
Sounds like my heart breaking

Act Like It

I don't care if you're different! I don't care how much you've been hurt! I REALLY don't care what religion you are! TREAT HUMANS LIKE HUMANS! NOT LIKE AN EMOTIONAL PUNCHING BAG OR LIKE A WHIPPING BOY! WE KEEP PREACHING THAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO SO DO IT!! DO IT NOW! ACT LIKE A DECENT HUMAN BEING ALRIGHT!? IS THAT SO HARD!?

"Angels With Broken Wings"

Angels with broken wings
Yearning to soar and fly
There are so many broken things
And it just makes me want to cry

Why can't we just let go
And let people be
We're hurting each other you know
Why is that so hard to see

We claim to be kind
Say we accept all our fears
WEll if that's our state of mind
Why am I shedding these tears

Why do we lie
Why do we hate what we don't know
I"m trying hard not to cry
But it's really hard not to do so

Look at what you're doing to each other
Can't you see the pain
We're supposed to help one another
Through religion that's what we claim

We're supposed to show compassion
But look at how we act
We care about looks pride and fashion
Well I can't accept that

Pracice what you preach
Act like you're supposed to
Do as you teach
And maybe I'll trust you

I'm not perfect
I'm not asking that much
I'm human but I expect
To be treated as such

Youd on't have to love everyone
I don't expect you to
Just treat them like they're human
Wouldn't you want that too

Stop lying to everyone now
And maybe we'llg et along
Just stop I don't care how
Realize taht what you're doing is wrong


Angels with broken wings
Yearning to soar and fly
There are so many broken things
And it just makes me want to cry

"Broken Wings"

These broken wings won't let me fly
No matter how hard I try
These broken wings won't let me fly
So won't you come and help me
I want to fly away for all to see
Why can't people just let people be
Themselves

"Reassurance"

Tell me it'll be okay
That people are just insane
Tell me I don't ahve to solve everyone's problems
That if I can't solve one it's fine
Tell me I'm an okay person
That I'm a good friend
Tell me everthink will work out without me
That things'll be fine
It'll be alright in the end
Tell me it's not my fault
If I can't save the world
Tell me it's okay to cry
Because I'm scared to show my fear
Please hold me close
And tell me you love me
Tell me I'm not a super hero
That I can't save the world by myself
Please tell me these things
Because I can't convince my heart
What my mind knows
Though I've tried and tried
I just can't do it
Please tell me it's okay
That everything'll be fine
Please tell me everything said here is true
Because I'm not sure I can tell myself
So please just hold me close
And say you love me
Because I'm scared and hurt
And I need the reassurance

-"Lose yourself and maybe you'll find me" - Amber Death

Peace-Maker

You know, ever since I was little, I always had to be the peace-maker. Even now, I try to. It gives me a headache sometimes. I wish that problems were simple again. Simple problems are nice. Why can't the world make sense anymore?
Speaking of not making sense, I, apparently, have three guys after me. Wow! When did this happen!? I mean, come on! it's me! I fight, I'm not very attractive (in my opinion) I argue and I use my brain. Hm, big turn of there! In my experience, most guys don't want a girl that uses her brain. Oh well.

Demons and Truth

Screaming demons inside my mind
The truth is getting hard to find
Help me I'm running out of time
All these liars are in their prime
It's so hard to find my way out
Making me want to scream and shout
Help me I'm falling
Can't hear you calling
Happy this world is not
Things aren't as they ought
With screaming demons inside my mind
The truth is so damn hard to find