Empty

Empty and lost
Floating in inky darkness
Covered in black hatred
Empty so bloody empty
Lift your hand to your face
See the it covered in ink
Shine the light over it
See the ink is blood
Floating, hopelessly lost
Broken, shattered and torn
Sure we're here
Sure we smile
But take it all away
And we're just empty
Filled when they're here
Warmth and direction has been found
But take that all away
And become lost again
Empty, just so bloody empty

Something To Chew On

I shouldn't be this upset. I should have more control. I'm always in control. Why am I this upset? Why am I this angry? I shouldn't be. I'm better than this. I am. I'm supposed to always be the forgiving one. I'm never supposed to get this upset. I'm not supposed to be the one that shoves people away. I'm supposed to be the one you can take for granted because I'm always going to forgive... No. Matter. What. I'm supposed to be the Christian.

Rant That's Totally Unrelated:

IT'S NOT MY FREAKING FAULT THAT SHE HATED YOU!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT I LOOK JUST LIKE HER!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU HATE HER!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!! IT'S NOT!! STOP HATING ME FOR IT!! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET REVENGE BY TREATING ME LIKE SHIT!!
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT BETTER WITH HIM BY FAVORING THE BOY EITHER!!! YOU CAN'T FIX IT, DAMN IT!! IT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE THE PAST!! SO STOP TRYING!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT I LOOK LIKE HER AND HE LOOKS LIKE HIM!! STOP ACTING LIKE IT'S THE PAST!! STOP BLAMING HER AND PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS HELL!! STOP IT!! STOP BLAMING YOURSELF AND HER AND FAVORING THE BOY!! IT WON'T HELP HIM!!
STOP IT!! I'M NOT HER!! YOU CAN'T FIX THE PAST BY TREATING THE PRESENT LIKE THE PAST!! JUST BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE HER DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN TREAT ME LIKE THIS!!! IF YOU'RE MAD AT HER YELL HER NOT ME!! PLEASE!!!
I'm not a freaking saint or adult! So please, stop acting like I'm supposed to be one then getting so disappointed or SMUG when I screw up! I'M A DAMN 16 YEAR OLD TEENAGER!!! I try so hard to make you proud. My directors tell me I'm one of the best singers in the state; I try real hard to keep my grades up; I'm going to test in February for my third degree black belt; I read so much; I can write well enough that people notice and love it; I'm over coming my fear of public speaking; I have FRIENDS.
I'm trying so hard to be everything you want me to be, but you never even notice. I know you love me. You can't not love me, but I don't know that you like me. I don't know that you're proud of me. You never tell me that. I try so hard to make you proud of me, to make you like me, to make you show it. I know the joke, and I hear from people that you are proud of me, but I really need to hear it from you.
I've finally found that I can sing, and I know that you like to sing, so I thought it would make you proud, but you never show it. When I screw up with something, you're so quick to reprimand, and you don't say when I'm doing good.
I know I'll be 18 soon, but please, just treat me like you want me to be a kid for a day. Please? Just show you're proud of me. Let me know I'm doing SOMETHING right for once.

End Rant.

Great, tears. Joy.

Hurt

I'm hurt but I don't know it
I'm sad and I can't show it
I want to let go but I can't
I'm hurt but I don't know it

I never know how to express pain except through poetry and writing. Go me. I can't express in words what I can in writing. It's so... so... I don't know. It's wonderful, it's horrid, it's great, it's sad, it's what is.
I seem to get caught in the middle of everything. These friends hate these other ones who are trying to repent but aren't belived, these friends hate each other period and won't change, these friends just can't get along, etc. Why do I have to be such a push over? Why do I have to be the one with "the heart that's too big" or whatever as according to someone who shall remain nameless? Why do I have to walk straight into the middle of things? And why do I have to have advice that I think sucks but turns out to work just fine?
I feel so full of resoponsability that if something goes wrong, i automatically assume it's my fault because i give so much advice, and so... yeah. I just wish I didn't trip over my tongue. I wish I could actually talk to people about my problems. I wish... I wish life didn't hurt so much.

Pathetic

Why do I always want someone I can't have? Why? Why why why why why? Why can't I just be happy with the person I can get? AUGH!!! I'm so... pathetic.

Don't you care anymore
No you probably don't
I'm so young
I'm so different
I'm so... strange
I probably don't even register on your sonar
You probably forgot again
I know you forget so often
But please... just once...
Remember me please
Let me know I matter
Show me that you care
Please just once
I want to know that I mean something to you
I want to know that you really do care
I want to know that I'm not taken for granted
I want to know that...
I want to know...
Please, I just want to...

I'm so pathetic... I really am. I don't know why these people put up with me.

What If I Promised?

What if I promised never to do that again
What if I promised to never break the rules
What if I promised to be the best person ever
What if I promised

What if I said I was sorry and meant it
What if I went and made everything right
What if I was the best I can be
What if you didn't leave

What if I promised never to do that again
What if I promised to never break the rules
What if I promised to be the best person ever
What if I promised

What if I tried to work harder
What if I tried to be better
What if I promised never to break my promises again
Would that make you come back from death
Would that get you to stay with me
What if I promised

What if I promised never to do that again
What if I promised to never break the rules
What if I promised to be the best person ever
What if I promised

What if I promised never to do that again
What if I promised to never break the rules
What if I promised to be the best person ever
What if I promised
What if I promised...

I am not the weakest link

Weakest link... that's what I am. I'm the weakest link in my circle of friends, and they have to look out for me. I just figured that out, and boy do I feel crappy. I feel like a burden now. The reason why people act so odd around me, it's because they're walking on egg shells. They must feel like they gotta look out for me to make sure I don't get hurt. I feel so... so... I dunno... weak.
I used to think of myself as the strong one. I was the one that didn't break down completely. I was the one who had the advice for emotional problems, and I was the one who could be counted on. That's what I thought. Then, some of my friends and I were talking tonight, and I realized that if anyone wanted to manipulate me, it would be so easy. Especially if they had been a friend that people got mad at, and I realized I was the weakest link and everyone is probably looking out for me.
I feel... weak. I'm not in control of it, and it scares me that I'm so weak. I shouldn't be. I should be the one that other people can count on. I have to be. I can't break down. My dad said I was in for one since... yeah... but I can't now.
I can't. I refuse to. I'm strong, and everyone can go blow it out their asses if they think otherwise. I'm not someone you should tip toe around. It makes me angry... That's probably the best way to get me upset.
I'm not the weakest link
I'm stronger than you think
Don't act like I'm made of eggshells
Don't act like I'm weak
I'm much stronger than you think

SAWYER SONG!!

http://i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=12026

My sister sent me this... I was bored. XD "ALEX IS MY SLAVE!!!" Much amusement behind that part.... ^^
*growls* I'm beginning to feel like Eyore from Winnie The Pooh... Baka GGCD...

Reason behind Gloom Cloud

Okay, a lot of you say I shouldn't be feeling guilty about yelling at Sephy.... I'm gonna tell you WHY I feel guilty. I yelled at him, yes. Many of you think I had every right to... I may have been mad, but I had no right to act as I did. Getting angry and yelling doesn't solve anything, it just hurts. And sometimes it hurts beyond healing...

The last person whom I yelled at like that was DJ... those of you who know me, know what happened to DJ. You also know what it did to me. I'm afraid. I'm scared of what will happen. I'm scared of loosing someone again. I've lost so many friends, and I'm scared of loosing another one... even if he pisses me off. Doesn't mean that i get to act like a jerk.

Guilty Gloom Cloud Of DOOM

Always stuck in the middle
I seem to get myself there
Then when it's all said and done
All are happy
All except one

Torn into pieces
Yet faking the smile
Broken behind fake faces
Like bits of glass on the ground
Hidden in so many places

Built up walls so strong
They keep everything in
Yet while they keep pain out
They keep love away too
Any love life may bring about

Keeping the heart together
Is harder than it sounds
Though behind great walls I stand
My heart lies in pieces
Hidden in the miles and miles of sand

POEM FOR MY SISSY!!!!

THIS IS A POEM FOR MY SISSY!!! *holds up victory sign* YOU ROCK, IMOTO!!

You make me smile with just a small hello
You make me laugh when you act like you
You make me feel so warm
I want to protect you from all harm
You make me smile with just a small hello

You're always in my mind
You're always in my dreams
I think of you and hope that you think of me
I love you like my blood you see
You're always in my mind

You make the gloom go away when I see you
Even if you're feeling down
I don't mind helping you feel better
You ask if you're bugging me, NEVER!
You make the gloom go away when I see you

You make me smile with just a small hello
You make me laugh when you act like you
You make me feel so warm
I want to protect you from all harm
You make me smile with just a small hello

Better

*huggles Moon* OOOOOH!! It's okay! *hugs you again* I just had to rant about it! ^^ I'm much better today! You even know why! ^^ You know, I feel really good when I talk to you too.... dunno why... *shrugs* Oh well! It's okay by me!
Okay, yesterday I had people over. Hee hee... much funness with that... at one point, Ayame and I couldn't stop laughing! Anyway, I also went to a movie with Ayame, Rugby Short Shorts Man-man (don't ask), and Twitch. We went and saw Sky High. It was fun! But I got to meet Ice Cream there. I was SO frickin happy when he showed up!!
Anyway, so we're sitting in the theater, and I guess he got bored 'cause he starts poking my hand. So finally, I grab his finger. He starts playing with our hands, and then drops that one and grabs my other one, entwining them, and he wouldn't let go! I was one happy girl right there! He had to leave early, but he came! And that was just wonderful. ^^ I WAS HAPPY!!!
*snickers* IDIOT BOYFRIEND IS AN AWESOME SONG!!! XD It's by Jimmy Fallon!! IT'S AWESOME!!! *laughs at it* It's a spoof on how bad boyfriends can be. XD HAPPY!! Wow... i'm way too tired for this... LATER!! ^^

Lonely

I dunno about you, but I hate feeling lonely. Unfortunately, i've been feeling lonely a lot. It's not that "no one is around and I want someone to be close" type of lonely. It's the type of lonely where you want someone to come up behind you, give you a hug, kiss you on the head and just hold you for no reason, making you feel safe and loved. That type of lonely. The worst part is: it CLINGS.

Why can't you be here
The one I'm dreaming of
You're always near
Yet never here

Why can't you be here
The one I want to love
You're gone from me now
You never seem to notice me

Singing sweetly of you
You never hear a sound
Never hear the words I say
Never ask how I am today

Why can't you be here
The one I want to love
You're gone from me now
You never seem to notice me

All you have to do
To chase the dark away
Is be by my side
All you have to be
Is yourself and you never see
That you make me feel safer than ever
But you'll never know
So I'll stay lonely